The Mindset of Haters and Trolls and How To Deal With Them

I finally encountered the double-edged sword of social media to its fullest form. The more authentic I became speaking freely about issues that truly matter, the more hate came pouring in, and at a much faster pace. For over five years, I had been creating travel content that was inspiring, beautiful, and non-controversial. But the moment I shifted from “pretty travel posts” to speaking about real-world issues and pointing out injustices I was encountering, that’s when the hate began. It made me stop and ask myself: if my content isn’t getting pushback, is it even making a real impact in the world, or is it just being consumed as travel porn?

This shift got me reflecting deeply on the mindset of people who spew hate online, the faceless keyboard warriors hiding behind their screens. At first, it was unsettling. But then I realized something important, I had been preparing for this moment since childhood. By the age of seven, I had already developed thick skin. My school bullies used to call me fat, dark-skinned, and ugly. Decades later, my online haters weren’t much different. The language had shifted, but the intention was the same, to make me feel small, insecure and worthless.

I began noticing a pattern in how the attacks unfolded. First, they came for my looks, with comments like “you’re too ugly to have an opinion.” When that didn’t land, they moved on to purity, trying to weaponize my womanhood by calling me a slut or a whore, saying I wasn’t worth much. And when that failed too, they attacked my singleness, telling me I’d die alone with cats and wishing me good luck in my lonely life ahead. It was almost predictable. And the more I recognized it, the less power it held over me.

One comment in particular stood out: someone said I was a whore who didn’t deserve love. Oddly enough, that was the moment it clicked for me. Their words only had the potential to hurt if I believed them to be true. But because I had already done the inner work of healing and knowing who I am, the insult went right past me. Instead of hurting, it fascinated me. Why would someone create a fake account with the sole purpose of being cruel? What do they really gain?

The more I observed, the clearer it became. Hate almost always begins with the most superficial thing, your appearance. If that doesn’t work, it escalates to attacking your worth as a person. And if that fails, they’ll turn to your personal life, whether it’s your relationships, your singleness, or your lifestyle choices. But here’s the truth: it’s rarely about you. It’s about them. Haters project their own insecurities onto others. What they accuse you of is often what they secretly wrestle with themselves.

That’s when I realized something bigger: if no one is pushing back against your message, it probably isn’t shaking the table enough to matter. Travel pictures are beautiful, yes, but when you use your voice to challenge norms, call out wrongs, or spark uncomfortable conversations, that’s when you start to make a real impact. And impact always attracts resistance.

Hate is one of the most destructive emotions we encounter, but it often reveals more about the person expressing it than the one receiving it. At its core, hate comes from a deep place of insecurity. It’s born when someone feels their safety; whether physical, emotional, or ideology is being threatened. Sometimes it’s not even about danger at all, but rather about clashing with someone’s belief system or sense of identity.

The truth is, people who direct hate outward often hate themselves first. They feel trapped by their own limitations and hold themselves back. When they see someone else embodying qualities they secretly wish they had, it triggers an insecurity they can’t ignore. Instead of facing it, they project it.

It is also important to note that the term “hater” doesn’t just apply to social media. They exist in real life too, often in the form of frenemies, family members, or co-workers. The difference is that the hate expressed in person tends to be more covert than what shows up behind a faceless social media account.

So how do you overcome hate? What tends to work best is doing the inner work on yourself. That means getting really comfortable with who you are, especially the parts you once considered flaws. For example, while a comment about having thin lips may roll right off the back of someone who loves their thin lips, the same comment could deeply trigger someone who feels insecure about that feature and fixates on it as a flaw. Haters instinctively poke at what they hope will hurt. But when you’ve already embraced yourself, their words lose their power.

Another way to reframe hate comments is to see them as mirrors. If a particular comment triggers you, it’s a signal to pay attentionit may be pointing to an area you still feel insecure about. That doesn’t mean the hater is right, but it does show you where more inner work or self-acceptance might be worthwhile. Start treating these comments as opportunities for growth, learning, and even character development. And if a comment isn’t worth your time or energy, then let it go, laugh at it, and recognize it for what it is—engagement. At the end of the day, even hate fuels the algorithm, brings more traffic to your page, and ultimately helps you grow your platform.